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East Carolina University
East Carolina has crept into the 2000 Final Tarnished Twenty Rankings, due to the behavior of its players. However, FindLaw recognizes the efforts of Coach Steve Logan, who suspended first and then asked questions later, unlike many of his collegiate counterparts. Although he is "standing by" QB Richard Alston, the sophomore has been suspended indefinitely for trying to pass a counterfeit $100 bill at a local Burger King restaurant.
However, Alston's idiocy goes beyond the mere attempt to pass funny money, because it seems the fake bill itself was, well, laughable. As the Raleigh, North Carolina News and Observer so artfully put it, "Any $100 bill at a Burger King gets a second look. When it has been printed off a home computer, it doesn't get a third look."
That's right, folks, Alston was trying to print money onto regular paper off his computer. He would have been better off feasting on the paper, and undoubtedly more healthy; if you don't believe me, read the "Nutrition Facts" on the side of your next Whopper…
Since Alston's urge for BK was apparently an insatiable one, he will be in a Greenville courtroom on December 15th for a probable cause hearing on felony charges of obtaining property on false pretenses.
A subsequent police search of his residence unearthed a small amount of marijuana and drug paraphernalia, all of which resulted in additional charges.
At least this explains Alston's burning hunger for a snack…
In any case, while Coach Logan's disciplinary actions are applauded, the Pirates nonetheless have earned a spot in the Tarnished Twenty 2000 Final Rankings by fielding a player foolhardy enough to attempt such an act. Coach Logan, next time please show Alston the way to the dining hall.
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